I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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