Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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