They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Randomize
