There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
