Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
