well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
