We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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