Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
