omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
