What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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