Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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