If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
