did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
