I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
