So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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