Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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