I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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