My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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