his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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