I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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