Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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