I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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