i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
