I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
