If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
