The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
