My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
