I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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