I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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