I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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