I wanna bring you to show and tell
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
