Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
