I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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