Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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