My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
