i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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