So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
