I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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