The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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