It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
