by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
