We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
