I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
