So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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