Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
