This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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