hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
