I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
