Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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