Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
