I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
