if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
