Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
